Queen of Drama

Just a WARNING this is a very long post!!!

Sorry I know I have stories that I was supposed to be finishing. So lets start updating shall we??

My fiance came back from vacation last week. We talked and decided that we are going to work on our relationship. He told me that he wants to be with me, marry me and have more kids. I let him know that it all sounds good right now, but there are things that we both have to work on. It's not just as easy as saying what you want, you have to work on the crap that we have problems on. I'm not saying that I don't have shit that I need to work on but god knows I have tried. So we had a great weekend together and I have hope that everything will work out. Wish me luck!!!

So the drama this weekend, Paige!! Remember when I told you that her husband was looking at that condo. K, so the thing is, is that it wasn't actually for me. He has wanted to buy a piece of investment property for years. He's got some extra money in the bank and started looking. It was just kind of ironic that I was also contemplating moving out and getting my own place. I agreed to rent it from him if he bought it. Not forever just awhile, just until I figure out what the fuck I wanna do with my life. He found out Saturday that he got it. So now I have a problem, if I move out I can't fix my relationship with Adam. If I stay I piss off my best friend. What the hell do I do???

I piss off my best friend. I talked to her Sat night and let her know that I was having doubts. She told me that she thinks that I am making a big mistake. I should move into the condo, but if I chose not to, I won't loose friends over it. Do what I feel is best for me, just decide soon.

So I call her husband on Sunday and ask him, how pissed at me would you be if I don't rent the place from you. He got mad, I apologized and let him know that I thought it was the best for me and my kids. He hung up.

So about an hour later she called, she says he's pissed, he'll get over in a couple days. He feels betrayed and feels like I screwed him over. She says were fine, she thinks that everything will calm down soon.

Four hours later she starts texting me. He's so upset. He feels like you betrayed him. I don't know what to do, I don't want to be in the middle of it. I need to make him happy but your my best friend(only friend). I feel stuck in the middle. I don't want to chose sides. blah blah blah....

I apologize a thousand times, tell her I didn't do it on purpose. I still wanna be friends, I thought I did what was best for me and my future. Now,I am not normally one to kiss someones ass. If your mad at me, then I'm sorry but you can either get over it or don't be my friend. I don't mean to sound like a bitch, but I really don't enjoy the drama. I didn't think it was that big of a deal.

So then all of a sudden she says,he asked me if I was mad at all and to be honest I feel disappointed, I feel like you chose Adam over our friendship and screwed us. Then went on to say that she didn't understand how I could do this to them. I made this decision and didn't even think of how it was going to effect them. I am the reason they bought the place and I betrayed them. As all of this is going on, I continually tell her I'm sorry. If she needs to be on his side and not be my friend anymore then I will understand.

You would think I killed one of their children. They did NOT buy this condo for me. I just agreed to move in and rent it from them for a while. It needs a lot of work and they promised it would all be fixed by the time I moved in. Now part of her argument was that now they have to go in and fix everything up before they can rent it out. So did they lie, they weren't going to fix it for me. News flash the place was a dump, I would have never moved in if it didn't get fixed first.

So next on the drama list. We have a concert to go to this Friday night. She decides it is not a good idea that she goes, she needs to make sure that her husband is happy and thinks that if she goes it will piss him off. I told her twice to make sure that's what she wants. She says yes, to find someone to buy her ticket.

So yesterday morning I call my friend Lynn, she says that she doesn't have the money to go but that she will let me know for sure this evening. I also text my friend Nessa but don't hear back from her until later in the afternoon. In the meantime Paige has text me and asked if I found anyone to buy her ticket, if not she still wants to go. WTF!!! I let her know that Lynn is going to call me later, I don't mention Nessa, I didn't think I had to. I ask her why she changed her mind, she had the audacity to tell me,"he says I can still be friends with you it's just that he will never trust you again" How nice is that to tell someone that is supposed to be your best friend?

Nessa texts me later and says that if Lynn doesn't go that she will. She also agrees that this whole condo thing is not my fault and is being blown entirely out of proportion. So Lynn calls she can't go, no money. I called Nessa, she says she will defiantly go. I text Paige and let her know that Nessa is going and I will have her money next week.

So she calls me and is rude as hell, is confused because I didn't mention anything about Nessa going, only Lynn. Tells me that she wants her money and hangs up on me. First of all who the fuck do you think you are. I have taken all your crap and shit talking and been pretty nice about it and for shit that I don't entirely think is my fault. You said you didn't want to go. I asked you more than once just to make sure. So now, why are you so mad. Because I didn't tell them nevermind, all of a sudden your not mad at me so you can go.

I called her back. I asked her why the hell she was so pissed. I also tell her that I didn't like the comment about, he says I can be friends with you. Hold up, cause didn't you just get mad at me because you say I chose my fiance over our friendship. Isn't that what you doing? She starts crying and telling me that she doesn't know what to do. She still wants to be my friend but she can't believe that I gave the ticket to Nessa since I didn't mention it earlier, blah blah blah. I tell her, I'm sorry, when you decide what you want then you call me and let me know. I will be here and I hang up. Seriously are we still in high school. I wasn't aware I was only allowed one other friend, that I had to tell you who I talked to and when. I'm so irritated.

This morning her husband calls me and leaves me a message. He says he is not mad, a little disappointed. Everything will be OK, he's going to fix up the condo and rent it out. Please don't feel bad about this, its all OK, blah blah.....

So if he is not mad then why is she? She only started getting mad when he asked her why she wasn't. Who was the one really talking all the shit? I really don't know what the hell to think. I know that I said I would rent the place but damn there isn't other people who need a place to live in town. I made a decision based on what I thought was best for me and my family. You have two months to find someone. I think that's plenty of time. I am also kinda pissed now that I have had time to think about all the crap she said to me.

What do you think? Should I let it go or say something to her? What would you do if it was you?

So I have waited all week for it to be friday. I have a had a week from hell, between work being so very slow and boring to bullshit at home. I know that I kinda started to post earlier this week about my fiance who is actually at the moment my ex fiance except we still live together.I swear I will finish the story in the next couple days. Anyways he sucks today and is bugging the shit out of me.

On the weekends my ex takes my son( who by the way doesn't belong to the current boyfriend or whatever he is) so I have the weekend to do whatever, basically. I have no homework!!!! I made half ass plans with my friend Paige to hang out and drink this weekend, because I really need to. So around 1 Adam texts me and here is the convo....

He asks what i want to do tonight. I tell him, "I thought about hanging out with Paige." He says, "thats not what he wants to do, he will find something else." I ask, "why not." He says, "that when he was on vacation(which he just got back from) he thought I said we could work on our relationship." I say "yes I did say that but what the hell does that have to do with plans tonight?" He says, "I just assumed we would hang out tonight like we always do."

Here is my problem: we never do anything on Friday nights, or most nights for that matter, except sit around the house watching t.v. Never anything I want, usually it's sports. I have no problem watching sports, but if we are supposed to be spending time together, why don't we watch something that we both want to watch.

Also, why do people assume shit. Until 1 o'clock today he never mentioned anything about us doing something tonight. So why do you get all pissed off and bent out of shape because I sort of half ass made plans. You need to learn to speak up.

Part of my problem with this is that when we are together I tend to loose myself in him. I always want to make sure he is happy and that we are doing what he wants to do. Anyone that knows me well, knows that I am not this kind of person. So I have no freaking clue why with him I do this. So the last 3 weeks that we haven't seen each other, because we were both on vacation, I seemed to get a little bit of myself back. I am a very independent person, but when I am with him I don't feel like I am, and I hate that.

Sorry to bore you to death with this very pointless post, but I needed to vent. So any advice? I want to work it out, but just not rush back into shit like it was before. I guess I just need to tell him that.

I just ran across this on another site. I thought it was kinda cool. You should check it out!

In a Past Life...

You Were: A Famous Mathematician. Where You Lived: South Africa. How You Died: Natural causes.

Do you ever feel like you wish that you could look into the future and know where you life is going to be then? That’s where I’m at in mine right now. There has been a lot that has gone on in the last few months that makes me a little unsure of everything. But first I guess I need to give you a little history.

I met my fiancé, Adam almost three years ago. It was at my friend Lynn’s little sisters wedding. At first I thought that he was there as the date of one of her other little sisters. I was wrong. We didn’t really talk much throughout the night, until the end. The reception was over fairly early so a few of us decided to go to a club. So he and a friend of his told us they would meet us there. They didn’t show up for at least an hour after we got there, and I don’t know why but I was a little upset when I thought he wasn’t going to show. They came and we had a great time. I went with him after the bar closed to get something to eat, and then he drove me home. I let him in, and we had the best conversation for hours. Before I knew it was four o’clock in the morning, and we had started messing around. I’m normally not one for one night stands but I had been alone for so long that this was something I needed.

The rest is history. He called the next day and we’ve been dating ever since. We have had our problems, he wasn’t the commitment type, and I didn’t really want to waste my time on someone that would never be anything more than just a good friend. We broke up twice and after we got back together the second time he asked me to marry him. I thought that if we were married that everything would change. Well just after 4 months of being engaged we broke up again. I thought this time was it. We didn’t really talk for quite a while and I started seeing someone else. No matter what I did, I couldn’t help but miss him. I thought that I owed it to myself to give it another try. I didn’t want to wonder years down the road what could have been.

We got back together again last September. I made it perfectly clear that we couldn’t work on our relationship where I was living. I had a one bedroom apartment that originally was just for me and my son. But a month before my sister came to live with me. That’s another huge story that I will tell you about another day. So we decided that we would move in together. I mean why not, we loved each other right? We found our house and moved in at the end of December, I was so excited, he on the other had didn’t seem too thrilled.

The last 7 months have been pretty good. I found out in May that I was pregnant. I was very happy but scared. At the beginning of June I lost the baby. So I was really upset and all Adam could was to tell me that it could have been worse and that we could try again later. Not the answer I was looking for. All I wanted him to do was be sad with me, but that wasn’t going to happen.

We have these huge blown out fights about once a month. And I always find myself wondering why the hell I did this, and why I just didn’t let it be. I should have never got back together with him. But there is so much that I love about him. I get along great with his family and he gets along with mine, though I don’t really know how. My family is a little crazy, again another story for another day. We are really great friends but we are both really stubborn and want stuff only our way. The problem is I am all for compromising and trying new things to make this work. He is not. He has told after our last fight that he is who he is and he is never going to change, not for me or anyone else. Personally I do not feel like that is fair. So we decided that it would probably be best that we ended it now, before we move any further in our relationship.

This is getting a little long and I don’t want to bore anyone. So I will finish the end tomorrow.

I woke up this morning with a bit of a hangover. I have so much stuff to do today so it is not a good day to feel like shit. But I guess that’s the price you pay, right?

Summer semester ends next week and I still have so much homework to do for the accounting class I am taking. I hate this class, I love accounting (it is what I am getting my degree in), but this class seriously sucks. I am in no mood what so ever to be doing homework today.

My best friend Paige’s husband is looking to purchase a condo or townhouse for me to move into. See I have been fighting with my fiancé lately and since we live together, even if I didn’t want to be with him I couldn’t leave because I can’t afford our house on my own. I thought I had it figured out but that all got turned upside down a week or so ago, but that’s a different story for another day. So this morning we had an appointment at 11 to meet with the realtor to look at it. I loved it, but it is going to take a lot to fix it up. It is 4 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms. Problem is the entire kitchen needs remodeled: cabinets, appliances, and the floors. As a matter of fact the floors throughout the entire condo need to be redone. All the walls need painted. The master bathroom needs gutted and redone. I hope it works out, because I am so excited. I love the idea of being able to fix up my own house.

I have to go grocery shopping and do all the laundry tonight to. I dread going grocery store; I wait until the very last minute, when we have absolutely no food left. And the laundry I wish I could invent a little laundry elf. I would never have to do it again and never worry about whether what I want to wear is clean or not.

So tell me why it’s 5 o’clock and have done none of the above except look at my hopefully new house. I guess I better go before my children starve to death while wearing dirty clothes.

So I am not even sure how to start this out. First off I am a 27 year old single mother of a 4 year old. I also have custody of my 14 year old sister. I work full time and also go to school part time. So yes there is a lot going on in my house.

There has been a lot that has happened to lead up to the point in my life where I am at today. I think my biggest and best accomplishment so far has been my son. Without him I think I would have probably been drugged and locked in a padded room, to save me from my own insanity.

I promise you I am not insane, but there are a lot of crazy people in my life that I swear have tried to drive me there. I’m sure everyone knows what I am talking about. Though I feel like I have an excess of crazies.

I have started writing this blog to hopefully help me work through all the crap in my life. I know I am not the only one out there that has problems and I hope to get a little advice throughout this journal.

So this is me.

This is my life.