Queen of Drama

Do you ever feel like you wish that you could look into the future and know where you life is going to be then? That’s where I’m at in mine right now. There has been a lot that has gone on in the last few months that makes me a little unsure of everything. But first I guess I need to give you a little history.

I met my fiancé, Adam almost three years ago. It was at my friend Lynn’s little sisters wedding. At first I thought that he was there as the date of one of her other little sisters. I was wrong. We didn’t really talk much throughout the night, until the end. The reception was over fairly early so a few of us decided to go to a club. So he and a friend of his told us they would meet us there. They didn’t show up for at least an hour after we got there, and I don’t know why but I was a little upset when I thought he wasn’t going to show. They came and we had a great time. I went with him after the bar closed to get something to eat, and then he drove me home. I let him in, and we had the best conversation for hours. Before I knew it was four o’clock in the morning, and we had started messing around. I’m normally not one for one night stands but I had been alone for so long that this was something I needed.

The rest is history. He called the next day and we’ve been dating ever since. We have had our problems, he wasn’t the commitment type, and I didn’t really want to waste my time on someone that would never be anything more than just a good friend. We broke up twice and after we got back together the second time he asked me to marry him. I thought that if we were married that everything would change. Well just after 4 months of being engaged we broke up again. I thought this time was it. We didn’t really talk for quite a while and I started seeing someone else. No matter what I did, I couldn’t help but miss him. I thought that I owed it to myself to give it another try. I didn’t want to wonder years down the road what could have been.

We got back together again last September. I made it perfectly clear that we couldn’t work on our relationship where I was living. I had a one bedroom apartment that originally was just for me and my son. But a month before my sister came to live with me. That’s another huge story that I will tell you about another day. So we decided that we would move in together. I mean why not, we loved each other right? We found our house and moved in at the end of December, I was so excited, he on the other had didn’t seem too thrilled.

The last 7 months have been pretty good. I found out in May that I was pregnant. I was very happy but scared. At the beginning of June I lost the baby. So I was really upset and all Adam could was to tell me that it could have been worse and that we could try again later. Not the answer I was looking for. All I wanted him to do was be sad with me, but that wasn’t going to happen.

We have these huge blown out fights about once a month. And I always find myself wondering why the hell I did this, and why I just didn’t let it be. I should have never got back together with him. But there is so much that I love about him. I get along great with his family and he gets along with mine, though I don’t really know how. My family is a little crazy, again another story for another day. We are really great friends but we are both really stubborn and want stuff only our way. The problem is I am all for compromising and trying new things to make this work. He is not. He has told after our last fight that he is who he is and he is never going to change, not for me or anyone else. Personally I do not feel like that is fair. So we decided that it would probably be best that we ended it now, before we move any further in our relationship.

This is getting a little long and I don’t want to bore anyone. So I will finish the end tomorrow.