Queen of Drama

So I have wanted to have another baby for almost a year. I know that I should do the this shit in order and get married first. But if you have noticed I do everything ass backwards or as my son would say backworks. I got knocked up when I was 22(that's a really good story that I need to tell), started college when I was 24, got engaged at 26 and I'm still not married yet.

The thought of marriage scares the shit out of me. See my mother has been married 5 times and my dad has been married 3 times, see why? Me and the fiance have been together for almost 3 years, lived together for almost a year and I don't really see what will change. I go back and forth on getting married so much its actually kinda scary. I really want to do it, and do it soon but at the same time I am afraid that it's all going to go to shit after I say "I do". Adam never really wanted to rush into it either and always said someday just not now. But we have finally both agreed it is better to do it, so we set a date.

We have decided to get married Jan 11, 2008. We got engaged on that date 2 years earler. We are just going to go to the court house and do it. I have never really wanted a huge wedding, unless it will be the fairytale that I want it to be. See the thing is I have a hard time spending that much money on a wedding. I would rather go on a wonderful honeymoon, or a family vacation, or put a down payment down on a house.

Back to the baby thing. I got pregnant last April and found out May 11th. Though we were both very nervous, I was so excited. It does something to you knowing that you are having a baby and I loved being pregnant with my son, even though I did it by myself. Everything was good, we planned everything out to a t, only problem was I would only be able to take 6 weeks off work since it would be going in to tax season but I would work that out eventually.

May 22nd, right before I went to bed, I went to the bathroom and noticed I was spotting. I freaked out and knew something bad was going to happen. When I was pregnant the first time, I never had a symptom, an ache, nothing at all. So this was bad. The next day I went to the ER with my future sister in law, who is also pregnant and due in Oct. They did an exam and ultrasound, said everything was ok and there was a heartbeat so not to worry. I was put on bed rest for a couple days.

Still spotting two weeks later I called my dr's office and asked for them to schedule another appt for an ultrasound to make sure everything was ok. They called back and had set up an appt for 1 o'clock that afternoon. Went in for the ultrasound and they couldn't find a heartbeat. The baby had died a week earlier. I was almost 9 weeks pregnant. That was the worst day of my life, and one of the hardest things I have ever had to deal with.

We decided that we would try to get pregnant again right away. My dr said to wait until I have 1 or 2 periods before trying again. Which would be fine since I was going to Texas at the beginning of July and Adam would be on vacation until the end of July. Planning on getting pregnant again helped keep my mind off of what just happened and I tried not to think about it negatively.

In between then and now we have had our problems. We broke up for about 2 weeks. I decided in that time, that obviously the baby planning was not going to work out. But we got back together, decided to get married and promised to try to make all of this work. So back to baby planning?

Yes, I have decided that I would like to have another baby. My angel boy is almost 5 and I really didn't want my children to be that far apart and he will start kindergarten next year. I think the timing would be good. If I could get pregnant in the next 2 months, preferably in Sept since were going to Vegas then, that would be perfect. I would be due in June, and could take the whole summer off. I graduate from school that summer, angel boy starts school and could have the summer off. It would be perfect all around, now let's see if I can make it all happen. Wish me luck!